


Truest Form

by Imoisok



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Ableism, Abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Abuse, Cottagecore, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dyslexia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Farmcore, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Jan Van Eck's A+ Parenting, M/M, Marya's Death is canon in this sorry, Neglect, Nightmares, Physical Abuse, Sleepy Cuddles, Wylan plays piano, Yes this is vry inspired by the cottagecore aesthetic, i love zoya and genya okay i had to include em
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29926920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imoisok/pseuds/Imoisok
Summary: Jesper lives a humble life, little amount of worries, but little amount of friends.Wylan wanted to escape, and he thought that when he did, the nightmares would end.When the two met, they had no idea how it would change their lives forever.And Wylan wasn't expecting to learn the real meaning of family.
Relationships: Colm Fahey & Jesper Fahey, Colm Fahey & Wylan Van Eck, Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Zoya Nazyalensky & Genya Safin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 18





	1. Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> I will be updating this regularly, since I have finished writing the whole thing already, I just need to proofread each chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of an introduction, so dont worry, you'll get some wesper in the next chapter :))

Last night Wylan dreamt he was on the run again. Usually he was sprinting down a dark, unending hall, surrounded by flowering wallpaper, suddenly flashing with splatters of his own blood.

Then he would wake up screaming, sobbing and hugging himself. He begged for it to stop, beacuse he knew that if it did, things would be at least a little better. When he came downstairs to eat, he pretended like everything was fine, but that’s not exactly what his father wanted.

Tonight was different. Wylan Van Eck ran from somebody, but he was filled with relief and excitement, chasing something instead of something chasing him. Chasing a feeling. When he woke up, Wylan wasn’t shaking from all the crying he was about to do. No,no.

He was ready to leave. Clearly these nightmares weren’t going to stop, so maybe if he could leave, it would be better. So much better. Wylan often imagined life outside of the incredibly ‘luxurious’ conditions he was presented with every day.  
In fact, life outside of this home was probably even more luxurious. Wylan couldn’t picture exactly what it would be like to have friends or even a community surrounding him, but he imagined it to have a lot of affection and… laughter. He wasn’t sure, but he would find out.

 _But I’m not supposed to think like this_.

But he couldn’t help it. Today he would begin to think like this. It had clearly already begun, as Wylan looked over to the window. It looked way more tempting than usual. The dream motivated him to stand up and look outside. The fall was huge, his father had probably made him stay on the top floor in case his son would ever want to escape.

It seemed extremely silly, like he was delirious, but it didn’t matter whether it was because it was 2am or whether Wylan had always wanted to taste fresh, free air. He had to leave, and it was going to be the best thing he had ever done.

Looking around, Wylan saw a discarded backpack in the corner of his closet, which was always open, just in case he would hide from his tutors in there again. No more stupid memories, he would make new ones, in a better place, with… cats. He hoped there would be cats where he ended up.

The pack was small so he would only need a few things. Of course, he had a stash of food under his bed in an old shoebox, in case he got hungry after his father punished him by not giving him dinner that night. He dumped the cereal bars and various chip packets in, along with an emergency water bottle and some clothes. Wylan wished he had money, but what was he supposed to do with it outside of running away?

He would have to find a job somewhere. He groaned at the thought.

 _Brat_. Don’t moan. It would all be worth it.

That was all Wylan needed, except for his phone. Opening it, he turned off the permissions to the ability to track it.

_It was only to protect you._

The guilt was coming, he could feel it. But he had to push it away, it was time to go.

How the fuck was he meant to get down?

Wylan kneeled on his windowsill, perched upon it like a bird. Swaying back and forth, the drop seemed to go on forever. If he dropped down and died, at least no one would notice until the late afternoon. But if he dropped down and broke his legs, well, he would get his arms broken for costing his father the fortune of fixing them.

He must become a spider.  
Wylan’s breathing quickened, was he really doing this?

He looked down at his desk that was behind him. The letters on the book covers his father had given him crawled and writhed before his eyes. The bed in the corner looked tempting to his aching self, he could easily just climb back in, and go back to normal life.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Wylan considered that this wasn’t a life, he needed friends, not friends that he would have to cut off when his father found out about them.

Wylan wanted… he didn’t actually know what he wanted, but he was going to find out.

When he opened his eyes, Wylan opened a drawer attached to his desk and grabbed one of his sketchbooks and some pencils. A few seconds later, he went for his watercolors. After carefully placing the items in the bag, he perched on the windowsill again.

He looked to the side and jumped onto a nearby pipe without much thought. His hands were steady, but as soon as he thought about his hands being steady, they started to shake and Wylan uncontrollably looked down at the ground, which seemed to be getting further away from him and… spinning.

“Don’t look…” he whispered to himself, squeezing his eyes shut again.

What was his plan, anyways? His grip on the pipe was failing and loosened just enough for him to slide down it like a fireman. His stomach came to his mouth as he fell unexpectedly, but Wylan’s fall was way more successful than he ever anticipated.

So he was on the ground. Wylan opened his eyes and looked up at his opened window where he had just been hovering on seconds ago. No turning back now, he thought, brushing himself off as he shakily stood up. It was colder than he had anticipated, after all, how was he supposed to know that a summer night would be as bitter as this?

Wylan wasn’t wearing enough, he knew that, only jeans, a long sleeve shirt, a coat and some regular trainers. The shoes were too small for him, as he had only been allowed to wear leather shoes for the past two years of his life, but he could manage with 14-year-old Wylan’s shoes.

The grass had already stained his knees and his elbows. That would usually get him punished, but no more punishment for Wylan; he looked behind him at the forest neighboring the back garden.

He ran. The overgrown leaves swiped at his face, the branches catching his cheeks and pulling on his curls. It hurt, but not nearly as much as his legs. The backs of his knees were being ripped almost, and his feet were numb from the coolness of the mildewy grass.

After half an hour of running, Wylan finally looked behind him as he caught his breath. That was the most running he had ever done.

There seemed to be a hole in the foliage where he had come from, like a tunnel. Wylan peered forward, there was an end to that tunnel, but he hoped to never see it again.

Deciding finally to just walk onwards, Wylan looked around him. The branches seemed to twist, and shake with the wind, but he mostly mistook it for an animal in the bushes. He had always felt like he was being watched, so he was used to that, but the wind started to sound like whispering in his ear to turn around, that it was a stupid idea. He didn’t deserve to start a new life.

A few hours of this, the same over and over again. Even though he had been walking in a straight line, Wylan swore that he had seen the same pattern of branches three times over.

It was summer, so the moonlight would soon fade and give way to a new hopeful light instead of the dark and ominous light that the sky seemed to be shining onto Wylan’s feet.

He heard something. It was faint, but repetitive. Maybe Wylan was going crazy. He had been walking for so long that the skin off his heel was peeling. Damn these small shoes.

The noise was calling him though, so Wylan quickened his pace, wandering blindly forward.  
Another hour had passed, and the noise had only gotten louder, but it seemed to stretch out of Wylan’s reach at the same time.

Frustrated and seriously hungry, Wylan bit on his lip to stop himself from letting the exasperated tears fall. He wanted to shout, ‘WHERE ARE YOU’, at the noise, but he didn’t need to.

The sun rose before him and he peered through the branches above his head. For once, Wylan could see his own feet and after his initial excitement, he saw how dirty they were. He must have stepped in a huge puddle, or perhaps one hundred puddles to explain the amount of dried mud on the toe of his trainers.

He stopped and looked forward.

The noise. It was water running. Wylan almost forgot about the bottle in his bag that he could use if he wanted. No, he had to get to this river. River meant civilization, right? Just follow the river forever and ever. Sounds like a plan.

It was to his left, the sound. The bushes to his left seemed like a mass of crawling snakes and dangerous insects. It was all his imagination, he told himself as he pushed forward, letting the brambles scratch at his face once again. Wylan felt tingly… realizing how much of rebel he was being.

He chuckled to himself, he was really running away from home. Wylan imagined his father’s face as he saw the empty room and how angry he would be, probably smashing an expensive vase in the process. Instead of feeling sunken at the thought, Wylan giggled even more.

“Shit!” He felt something on his ankle, running up his leg under his jeans. Wylan shrieked and kicked his leg violently, almost knocking himself over as he trembled. The spider scuttled away, but Wylan had a new problem. His shoe flew off in the manner of the way he shook himself.

“No, no, no, please.” Wylan begged, as he watched the river take his shoe away. Oh. He had arrived.

The gods had finally given him a stroke of luck, and what’s more, there was a path on the other side! Wylan didn’t think twice, even after he felt the suddenly freezing cold river water on his bare foot as he crossed it. The water was shallow for the summertime, and extremely refreshing. Wylan sighed and sat down on the bank.

When he opened his backpack to get out a snack, he was greeted with yet another huge spider on top of everything he owned. He screamed again and shook it out. To his dismay, his phone fell out and smashed on the rocks.

Honestly, he would normally be the most panicked he had ever been in his life if he were to smash his expensive phone that his father had bought ‘out of the goodness of his heart’, but Wylan had bigger issues here. He tried turning it on, but no use.

Sighing, Wylan threw the phone into the forest in anger at himself. He sat there, dipping his toes in the water, and pulling them out after they got too cold. He ran his fingers through his now extremely tangled hair and rested his cheek on his knee. The reflection in the water blinked at him, longing for food and drink, so Wylan ate.

¬¬__________________________________

Wylan had no sense of time whatsoever. He could have been walking for hours and hours, or maybe it was just minutes. He couldn’t see where the sun was in the sky, as the branches still stretched out above him, but at least it wasn’t heavily claustrophobic like before. By now, he would’ve hoped to see some kind of civilization, but all he saw were empty fields.

Wylan’s foot had given up, it was completely numb from the pain of stepping on so many rocks and thorns, or maybe that was because it was now covered in a disgusting layer of mud.

More hours passed and yet Wylan grew hungrier and hungrier as the food supply began to dwindle. His other shoe had given up, and both his feet were now being slaughtered by the amount of mud on this path. At first it was fun, and Wylan had felt like a kid playing in muddy puddles, but now his feet started to itch and burn. He had pulled his trousers up to just below his knees and he had discarded his sweaty coat miles back.

For the fourth time that day, Wylan knelt down by the riverbank and opened his backpack. The water could probably cool his feet, he thought about it for a few minutes before entering the water and gasping at the temperature. He held his bag open and looked inside at the empty granola bar wrappers and almost empty water bottle.

A fish nibbled at his feet. Wylan startled, and let go, watching helplessly as the remainder of his things washed down the river. He panicked and splashed after the bag, but when he opened it again, there was nothing except a few sticky wrappers and one pencil.

Wylan stood there, defeated. He should’ve listened to himself when he thought that this was a crazy idea. Wylan Van Eck was too weak to handle a few hours in the dining room with his family, let alone a harsh, sweltering environment.

He walked slowly on as there was nowhere else left to go. At least near the river, his tears felt smaller. He felt pathetic, sobbing and hiccupping as he walked empty handed, sliding on the mud, slipping over more than once.

It got worse, Wylan got lost in his thoughts as there was nothing else to do but walk and walk, hoping and praying for a town or village. His thoughts weren’t pleasant, nor were his memories. And initially comforting thoughts of a warm meal turned into a memory of his father shouting at him for spilling it on himself or refusing to eat it because it looked uncooked.

The sun had set without Wylan noticing. It was an even darker night than before, and Wylan found himself looking up at the stars littered in the sky instead of down at his ruined feet. He felt like falling asleep right there, standing up.

He could barely make out the road up ahead, and the ditch filled with leaves suddenly looked very inviting. Wylan ignored his anxiety and sat in the leaves and didn’t notice himself falling asleep as he felt his head fall against an uncomfortable tree root.

¬¬¬__________________________

When Wylan awoke, it was still very much nighttime, and it felt like he had been falling in and out of sleep for hours. He had no idea how long the night was until now. As a matter of fact, he was wrong. He had only been ‘asleep’ for ten minutes.

His eyes burned, but Wylan came to his senses and noticed what he was lying on.  
“What am I doing,” he mumbled, without realizing it.

As much as his hair was wet and matted, Wylan’s throat was bone dry and every time he swallowed, his throat felt like sandpaper and his stomach roared. He felt the ground like a blind man, and when he touched his hand to the river, he cupped his hand drank it desperately.

When he gasped for air, he noticed the sound of a cow, it was distant and echoey, so maybe it was just in his head. Wylan knew he was going mad here, but why the hell would he imagine a cow mooing in the distance like an angel?

The rain started, and lashed on his face, falling into Wylan’s eyes and impairing his already stunted vision. He was hobbling forward now, and the river was long behind him.

The night was too long. The muddy path had turned into a gravelly road, and Wylan felt the faint injuries that his feet were dealing with. There was no light up ahead, but the sounds of the farm were getting louder along with the roaring winds and pelting rain. Wylan was completely soaked and dripping wet when he finally noticed that he hadn’t been trying to look for civilization.

He turned around and saw the faintest glow in the other direction. Either it was heaven, and he was about to die, or it was some sort of sign of society. Either way, Wylan didn’t care, so he walked towards it.

His hands found a wooden gate, soggy from the rain. He peered over it, searching, and saw through the fog of the rain, a farmhouse. He gasped for air, as if the rain had been drowning him, and climbed over the gate as his limbs complained.

He imagined how creepy it must look, a crippled, shivering boy with ripped clothes and leathery feet walking up someone’s drive hunched over like an old man.

Despite his worries that still managed to make their way through his clouded mind, Wylan weakly knocked on the front door. He leaned his head against it, and after a few minutes he knocked again, not realizing nobody was going to hear him.

He looked behind him and saw an open shed. It looked like a stable, but it had no doors, like a place to store hay bales. Wylan thought about how enticing that bale seemed, it could be used like the leaf covered ditch he found hours earlier.

Wandering slowly over, Wylan shook violently and finally he was sheltered under a roof. He laid down on a hay bale and curled up, knees to his chest, even though it didn’t stop the shaking. The hay felt like a cloud compared to the ditch, and Wylan buried his head into his knees and listened to the rain pounding on the roof as he fell asleep.


	2. The Runaway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: some mentions of drowning + sewerslide

“Fine, but you owe me a decent dinner,” Jesper said, groaning as his da sent him outside with a piece of toast half-eaten in his hand to give a morning feed.

He wandered out onto the porch and shoved the whole piece in his mouth and sniffed the morning air. What he would never tell his da, was that he loved the smell of the farm. Except for, oh you know, the smell of shit.

After throwing seed into the chicken pen and filling the pigs’ trough, Jesper wandered over to the back of the hay-bale shed, where they kept the spare cow feed. Jesper was a tall boy, and saw through the holes near the top of the roof.

Something was in there.

“What the hell..” Jesper turned and backed away, rounding the shed and slowly walking towards the thing sleeping on top of a hay bale. He thought about going inside and telling da about it, but this wasn’t just something. It was a human being, despite how ridiculously disheveled they looked.

Hay was tangled in their damp and matted auburn hair, and their body rose and fell in jagged breaths. Jesper hesitated and leant back as soon as he tapped on their shoulder. They didn’t wake up, so he leant forwards, and let out a small laugh when he realized what he was doing.

The boy was extremely dirty on his face, and his messy hair covered most of it.

“Um, well, this is…” Jesper looked back at the house and when he turned around, the boy was looking at him with round, terrified dark eyes. They were almost completely bloodshot.

“Oh, um, hey-“ he said, as he put his hand out, hoping they would take it, but instead the boy recoiled in fear.

“Listen, I’m not gonna hurt you, okay? I was just wondering why you’re sleeping outside my house.”

No answer, but he looked like he was trying to find the right words.

“That’s fine don’t speak, whatever. Um, look, what’s your name? I’m Jesper Fahey, and you are?”

The boy frowned and looked down. He was silent for another couple of seconds and Jesper was about to give up, but he cleared his throat loudly.

“Wy-Wylan,” he stammered. His voice was extremely raspy, like he hadn’t drunk anything in years. “Van Eck.”

“Well, okay,” Jesper said, trying to sound reassuring, clearly this boy would startle at anything. “Are you lost?”

Wylan nodded hesitantly, but bit his lip. “Well, I- I don’t know.”

“Yeah… Well, don’t worry, I can call your parents if you’d like.”

At that, Wylan’s face shifted and instead of his eyes being filled with confusion, they were filled with fear. They locked with Jesper’s and Wylan shook his head violently.

“No! No, no. Please don’t do that, please.” His voice was filled with desperation.

“Well, then I don’t really know what else I can do-“

“Please don’t call my parents, I’ll- um, I’ll do anything. Just I don’t…” Wylan pleaded with urgency, the kind that made Jesper feel a bit sick to the stomach. Why would this innocent boy- or runaway rather- need to plead so hard?

“That’s fine kid, I won’t. I won’t.” Jesper tried to soften his voice, but he couldn’t help feeling powerless in this situation. Wylan was shaking violently, and Jesper wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or not, because it wasn’t even a little bit cool. In fact, it was a summer’s morning, sweltering hot.

“Look, Wylan, why don’t you come inside now? You look like you’re going to mess up the floor, but,” Jesper looked down at Wylan’s feet and noticed that those weren’t shoes. “Oh god, you must be freezing, buddy.”

“I guess,” Wylan mumbled, while he was literally trembled head to toe.

“Let me help you inside,” Jesper offered a hand, and Wylan took it. Helping him down, Jesper noticed how incredibly cold and rough his small hands were.

Wylan quickly let go as they walked across the field and towards the farmhouse. Jesper heard Wylan sniff, but he couldn’t look at him. How was he meant to comfort someone when he had no idea who they were?

He was breathing quicker and quicker as the house came closer.

“Don’t worry, it’s not haunted, you know.” Why did Jesper expect him to laugh? “My da’s in there, he’ll probably help you better than I can. It’s okay, we’ll get you somewhere safe.”

“Well, your house is safe right?” Wylan asked in a small voice. He seemed like he instantly regretted it.

“Of course, why wouldn’t it be?”

Wylan nodded slowly, and they slipped into silence when Jesper opened the door.

“Wait, can you just stay out here for a second? My da will probably not exactly like it if some random kid walks into his house. Cool?” Jesper didn’t wait for an answer, so he guiltily left Wylan on the porch.

His da was walking into the room at that moment. The windows to the porch were huge, so he could obviously see Wylan behind Jesper.

“Jes, what is going on?” Colm asked, pointing slightly at the small boy outside with straw in his hair, who was looking away from the window. “Who-“

“Look, so I found this random kid in the hay shed, and he must have been sleeping there the whole night.” Jesper looked back at Wylan, who was looking down and fiddling with his hands. “He looks really scared and lost, so I don’t know, I think we should-“

“Help him? Of course! Why would you leave the poor man outside?” Colm quickly rushed to the door, leaving Jesper feeling awkward.

Wylan looked up as soon as he came over.

“Hey buddy, you alright?”

Jesper almost scoffed, at least he wasn’t talking to Wylan like he was dog or a child.

“I think so, sorry for sleeping in your shed,” Wylan said briskly, as if he had to apologize and make it look like he was afraid.

“No, it’s all good, forgiven,” Colm led Wylan inside by putting a hand on his shoulder. “Are you lost?”

Jesper piped up, “No, and don’t call his parents either.”

Wylan scowled.

“Oh. Well, then, you look absolutely shattered. And dirty.” Colm looked at Wylan and then Jesper as if he was asking for more information.

“His name is Wylan Van Eck,” Jesper said.

“Van Eck?” Colm looked back at Wylan, who suddenly turned pale even under all that dirt. “I-I recognize that, but y’know what, doesn’t matter. How old are you?”

Wylan answered, “Sixteen.”

Jesper had to admit he was surprised, there was no argument against the boy looking young for his age, he was very short and scrawny, but maybe that was because he had been lost for a long time.

“Well, Jesper’s seventeen, if that makes you feel any better. How long has it been since you ate?” Colm must have also seen how thin he looked.

Wylan looked at Jesper, like he was surprised that he was seventeen, there was no argument against the fact that Jesper was extremely tall for his age.

“I don’t r-really know actually…” Wylan said, and once again, Jesper was filled with dread. “I don’t really feel like eating right now.”

Rude. Who would refuse a meal from Jesper’s da especially after looking almost like a skeleton?  
“Are you sure?” Wylan nodded quickly. “Okay, then. Do you want to lay down somewhere, I mean, you’ll need to clean first, and we’ll get you some clothes, but I’m sure you could stay in the attic until further notice,” Colm offered kindly.

If Wylan refused this offer-

“I don’t feel right just taking your food and whatever, I’m not really worth- I don’t want to be a burden honestly,” Wylan swiftly said.

“Nonono, Wylan, please you look like you’ve been through enough. And, oh goodness, your feet, look at them!” Colm crouched down to be at Wylan’s level and spoke with a kind face, “Don’t feel like a burden right now, I’ll just get the attic ready and find some of Jesper’s old clothes or something. Jesper can you, uh, help him, like, I don’t know, wash his feet?”

Jesper was going to scoff and ask why he couldn’t just go in the shower, but then he saw Wylan’s innocent and scratched up face and couldn’t help but feel terrible.

“Obviously, I will, come here.” Jesper beckoned Wylan to come with him to the bathroom which was near the front door.

Colm went upstairs, to the attic, and left Jesper and Wylan in the bathroom together.

When Wylan stepped on the clean tile, he left a muddy footprint wherever he went. Jesper cringed at the thought of cleaning that up, but instead of letting out his annoyance, he grabbed a stool and gestured for Wylan to sit on it. Tentatively, he sat down, putting his hands on the edge of the stool.

Jesper ran the bath.

Wylan opened his mouth finally, “Um, this- you don’t need to-“

“No, really it’s my pleasure,” Jesper hoped his voice didn’t sound too sarcastic, nor sultry, to be honest, he wasn’t sure which one he was trying to be.

Wylan visibly took it as sarcasm though. His nostrils were flared, and he held his foot out with an uncomfortable look on his face.

Jesper grabbed a washcloth and dipped it into the soapy bathwater. He started to quickly clean Wylan with it, cringing a little. So was Wylan.

“Ow-“ Wylan yelped smally. So he wasn’t cringing, he was just in pain.

“Oh, shoot, sorry. Are you like, hurt down here then?” God, why did he have to keep messing this up?

“A little,” he said, “Actually a lot, so can you…”

“Go easy? Of course I can do that.” Jesper gently did it now, trying hard not to say anything about how terrible Wylan smelt or looked. It was mysterious, how could someone possibly get so dirty?

“Wylan, did you come from the forest?” Jesper asked, not expecting a reply.

“Yeah, have you been there?”

“Once before, but let’s just say I’m not going back,” Jesper sniggered. “Why were you there anyway?”

Wylan shifted in his seat and winced as Jesper brushed over pretty deep cut on his foot.

Apologizing, Jesper quickly uncovered even more cuts filled with dirt. Disgusting. But this time, he felt for the kid. Technically Wylan’s not a kid, after all he’s only one year younger, but the manner of the way he sat in that chair made him look like an innocent boy terrified of strangers.

Wylan looked down at the ground to his left as he scrunched his eyes and bit his lip.

“Does it hurt? I’ll probably need an antiseptic to clean these,” Jesper reassured him as he kept on swiping over the injuries. Wylan whimpered in pain.  
Jesper grabbed the antiseptic and rubbed it on a separate cotton pad.

“Have you done this before?” Wylan asked in a strained voice.

“Yeah, I live on a farm, I get cut up a bunch.” Jesper stared back at the injuries he had to heal. “But not this much, damn.”

“Sorry.”

Jesper wasn’t sure why he was apologizing but he didn’t answer. Instead, he thought about how Wylan had reacted when Jesper had asked to call his parents. It was chilling. He put the cotton ball on the injury. Wylan sucked in air quickly after a few seconds.

“Yeah it will sting, but don’t worry about it,” Jesper looked up at Wylan, who looked like he needed a serious bath. “So, like, Wylan, you’re interesting you know.”

“Excuse me?”

“Did you run away from somewhere?”

Wylan didn’t answer but he looked down at his fingers, twiddling them together. Jesper wasn’t sure why he was ashamed, that was pretty badass.

“If you don’t answer I’m just gonna assume you lost your mommy in a park,” Jesper tried.

“Um, no I’m not five. Yes I ran away.” Wylan sounded firm and looked at himself in the mirror, still wincing at the sting.

“That’s actually pretty cool, you realize. You know, because you’re rebellious or whatever.”

Wylan rolled his eyes and scoffed, but Jesper swore he saw Wylan smile a little bit as he looked at the mirror again.

“I don’t know, I feel a little-“ Wylan cut himself off with a swallow, “weird about it. I keep thinking what if I had just not… what am I even saying,” Wylan whispered the last part and Jesper looked back at his handiwork.

“Wylan, I’m finished.”

“Oh. Okay then.”

“Have a bath dude, no offence but you smell like moldy grass and hay,” Jesper laughed, but Wylan just smirked. “Now, just leave your clothes outside, my da will get you new clothes.”

“Um, wait,” Wylan muttered, as Jesper turned to leave. When Jesper turned around, Wylan opened his mouth but closed it again.

“Yes?”

“Thanks for the… cleaning. Sorry for the grossness.”

“No,no. You’re the one that has been lost in a forest and had to sleep near to where cows take a shit. Take care of those injuries now, they will sting like the dickens in that hot water,” Jesper smiled, and Wylan just looked down at the bath and smiled awkwardly until Jesper walked out the room.

There was a feeling in his stomach, he probably shouldn’t have been so hard on him. Wylan’s obviously run away for a reason, and Jesper shouldn’t add to the pain or embarrassment he felt. The way Wylan said that he felt weird about it made Jesper think. Maybe Wylan felt like going back, back home and that was because of him.

He put his hand to his forehead and went to talk to his da.

_____________________________

Wylan tossed his clothes outside the door after opening it a crack. Once again, he looked in the mirror at himself.

Himself. He looked up at his body and hated it. Wylan couldn’t imagine that anyone would ever look at him naked – the thought made him blush – and see him as a somewhat attractive guy. His ribs were always showing, especially now, after not having eaten anything proper in thirty-six hours. The thing he hated the most was his stomach. Even after being so starved and barely given enough at home, Wylan had still managed to let himself get podgy round the middle. That paired with his skinny little arms, it didn’t look good to him in any way.

He wasn’t physically strong at all. Wylan was going to be staying on a farm, how would he be of use to the Faheys? They clearly saw how skinny and weak he was, so they might ask him to do paperwork. And if they asked him to do that after a few weeks of healing him and then found out that he couldn’t read the whole time, they would feel betrayed.

No, Wylan would have to tell them tonight, before they could ask him to do anything for them. _Or tomorrow. Or never in a million years._

No. It was tonight.

Wylan crept into the bath, gasping at the hot water on his many cuts on his feet and arms. He thought about the fact that the Faheys had done this for him, not knowing that they were housing a useless degenerate.

He was sick of thinking like this. But Wylan couldn’t remember a time where he didn’t think about himself in this way. Or at least, anyone else thinking about him positively.

Whether it was because he had suddenly begun to think about his worth, or whether it was because he needed his hair to be cleaned, Wylan submerged his head under the water. The sounds of water sloshing underwater were entrancing. It was like a whole new world, one where he could just relax and not think. Normally he would tell himself to stay underwater forever, but he was sure the Fahey’s wouldn’t like to clean up a body.

Opening his eyes, Wylan was suddenly rushed with this murky water flooding his vision. When he came up for air, he saw that the water had turned light brown.

Wylan ran a hand through his hair shakily and tried pulling. Even after making it wet, it was more matted than ever before. He cringed at the thought of Jesper seeing him with extremely knotted hair. No one would want him looking like this, who was he kidding himself.

The dirt under his nails was exceedingly stubborn, but Wylan eventually got it all out. At last, Wylan stood up, dripping, and grabbed the towel off the rack. He ignored the feeling that Jesper had used this towel on himself before.

When he towel dried his hair, it looked like a poodle’s, not the perfect groomed kind, the kind that had been homeless for weeks. Thank gosh, he spotted a hair dryer on the edge of the sink.

After drying his hair, Wylan found a comb in the mirror cabinet and combed his hair into his usual style with difficulty. He looked better than before, sure, but he looked the most tired he had ever been in his life. And his bones, oh his bones, they groaned whenever Wylan moved them an inch.

He remembered what Jesper had said, and he looked behind the door after opening it a crack. Some clothes, thank god.

Again, as Wylan put the clothes on, he ignored the fact that once upon a time Jesper had been wearing these. Who knows what he was up to back then? He once again looked at himself in the bloodshot eyes, and wanted to ask himself why the fuck had he done this. Why had he run away? To escape the lovely mansion he lived in which had food and drink, and his own bed?

It was because of his selfishness, wasn’t it?

Jesper’s father knocked on the door. “Wylan? Are you done yet?”

Wylan paused. “Uh, yeah I am.”

The door opened and Mr. Fahey greeted him with a warm smile. “I have your room ready.”

Wylan frowned. “Room? You shouldn’t have-“  
“You deserve a lie down.” _Did he?_ “So, come on now. It’s in the attic, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind,” Wylan replied quietly, as he was led up some creaky stairs into a low-ceilinged attic. It was incredibly cozy, with the bed tucked away in a little nook and few boxes here and there, Wylan smiled and stepped tentatively forward. The window facing the door was perfectly small and had lace curtains, perfect for blowing in the breeze, and there was an old desk with an antique mirror above it.

It was the most beautiful room Wylan had ever seen, better than his old room, which felt like a prison cell most of the time. He hated spending time in his room, but it was better than going downstairs and risk being screamed at for not working.

Wow, he must look weird just standing at the window, not saying anything. But if he opened his mouth, Wylan feared he might choke from all the emotions he was holding in.

“I really like it, thankyou sir,” he said to Colm, who was still standing in the doorway, curiously watching Wylan gaze out the window like the boy had never seen anything like it.

“No problem, buddy. And you don’t have to be so formal,” What does that mean? “Just call me Colm.”

“Um, okay.”

“You should sleep now, we’ll wake you up at dinner, if you want.”

Wylan sat down on the bed, just to say thanks, but instantly he felt the softness of the mattress and his eyes widened. He wanted to sink into the pillows and relax, pull the covers over his head and try not to cry. He laid down slowly and then remembered who was watching him. Colm chuckled warmly.

“You enjoy yourself.”

“Oh, yeah. Thankyou si- Colm.”

Colm left and closed the door softly. Wylan couldn’t believe that Colm was Jesper’s father, he seemed more like a friend than a parental figure.

It didn’t matter, Wylan sunk backwards into the fluffy pillows and sighed. Then he looked beneath him, there was a soft duvet and a quilt, clearly woven or crocheted carefully. Wylan frowned and ignored the quilt, feeling weird about using someone else’s bed covers.

But who cared, Wylan was tired as hell. He had been through hell. He brought the covers up to his chin and buried his face into the pillows, trying not to cry.


	3. Dinner and Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit i love writing this sm,,,, i mean Wylan is my comfort character but y'know :D

By six thirty in the evening, Wylan still hadn’t woken up or at least, gotten out of the attic. All day, Jesper wanted to go up there and see what was wrong, he could have sworn that Wylan was awake, just lonely in his room, too nervous to step a foot downstairs.

He was made to lay the table before dinner, and he had asked his da numerous times when he was able to wake Wylan up.

“Listen, he’s obviously awake, he might just be sitting on his bed worrying himself,” Jesper said, not looking at Colm in the eyes.

Colm had been quiet about Jesper’s sudden need to check if the new boy was okay up until now, “If you really care about him that much then okay.”

“What do you mean? I’m just being nice. Or maybe I’m not, technically I’m being _un_ caring because I wanna wake him up from his oh so ‘important’ slumber,” Jesper stammered out quickly, before walking briskly away. He swore he had never blushed before, so this _wasn’t_ what the heat on his face was.

He hesitated outside the door. Jesper wanted to knock, but if the boy was actually sleeping, it would be kind of funny to see what it’d be like to scare him awake.

Quietly, Jesper opened the door and peered in. Wylan was snuggled in for sure, and only a sprout of copper curls resting on the pillow could be seen from where Jesper was standing. Jesper smiled a little and walked inside. He could have sworn that Wylan had brown, matted hair that morning, how dirty did he get?

Jesper rolled his eyes at himself and walked to the other side of the bed. He reached over and took the covers away from his face.

Wylan’s face was covered by his hand that rested on his nose, which was still dusted with dirt – no, it was freckles. Jesper’s ready-to-annoy smirk was almost wiped off, but especially so when Wylan shifted and burrowed his soft cheek into the pillow and removed his small hand.

Wylan was different… pretty. Jesper knew he had a button nose, but instead of being covered in dirt, it was pink at the end and sprinkled with summertime freckles, and Jesper’s heart almost fluttered when Wylan shifted again and scrunched his nose.

His lips were open only slightly, they were still chapped as hell, but Jesper’s attention was on Wylan’s eyelashes. Or maybe his lips again. No.

Jesper quickly shook himself again, and then tapped Wylan gently on the head, realizing how soft his hair was-

Wylan made a noise and opened his eyes a crack, as soon as he saw the figure sitting on his bed, his eyes snapped right open.

Sitting up right away, Wylan kicked his legs out in surprise and barely missed Jesper’s face with a fist. Jesper certainly wasn’t expecting that.

“Woah! Woah, easy, it’s me!” Jesper put a hesitant hand on his shoulder as Wylan’s breathing quickened. “It’s me…”

Wylan stilled, and looked at Jesper, who was holding a hand in front of Wylan to keep him from lunging at him again. “Oh, oh my god, I’m so sorry Jesper. I didn’t know it was you- I mean, like, who else would it be, but I just thought- um, I don’t know,” Wylan rambled as his breathing slowed down again.

“It’s… alright. Uh..” Jesper rubbed his head, near to the close call. As Wylan’s breathing reduced even more, his eyes widened as he woke up. “You look… awake.”

Of course he was, instead of the darkened, misty bloodshot eyes Jesper had seen that morning, Wylan had the bluest eyes, the roundest eyes he’d ever witnessed. Wylan wasn’t just different or pretty… he was beautiful.

“Well, I cleaned up my hair…” Wylan mumbled, looking down. Jesper swallowed and nodded. “Probably not what you were thinking, huh.”

“I guess, well, at least you’re gonna get some meat on those bones in a second,” Jesper said, playfully poking Wylan in the ribs. He blushed. “It’s dinner, you slept a long time.”

“Um, really?” Wylan got up with Jesper and they walked down the stairs.

“Yeah like, it’s almost seven pm, but you know, I get it,” Jesper looked over at Wylan and his stupid pretty face, “Gotta get that beauty sleep.”

Wylan didn’t answer, but he quickened his pace down the stairs. Jesper just knew he blushed.

­­­­­­­­­­­________________________________

Wylan quickened his pace down the stairs, in case Jesper made Wylan flustered for the third time in a space of five minutes. What the hell did he mean by ‘beauty sleep’? Must be a jab at his thinning body.

Speaking of thinning body, as soon as Wylan entered the main room, he smelt heaven. The saltiness, the sweetness, it smelt like when someone would unveil a meal right in front of your nose and would waft the steam upwards. Wylan’s instincts pulled him towards the new smell, which was sitting on the small, round dining table.

Colm noticed that Wylan was up, “Hey, you two. Have a good sleep Wylan?”

Wylan didn’t notice he spoke, especially not when he saw what was on the table. A slab of beef, with lovely potatoes and assorted vegetables. He remembered this smell from home, but he was so used to having it taken away from him.

To think that this was all for him, oh the feeling in Wylan’s stomach was deepening. “Yes I did thankyou sir,” He said quick as possible, “Is this for me?”

“Of course it is?” Colm said confusedly, sitting down before Jesper did.

“And don’t call him sir,” Jesper scoffed, “You’re not our servant boy.”

“Jesper,” Colm warned him. Jesper looked down at his food and started eating.

Wylan thought about it, maybe he wasn’t a servant boy, but he had to be of some use to them. At least to pay back the debt now hanging over his shoulders. They had offered Wylan a home, a bed, clothes and an amazing looking meal.

He sat down, mouth watering. But first, he drank his whole glass of water in one go. The others stared at him while he wolfed down his potatoes and vegetables like a beggar.

“You haven’t had food for how long?” Colm asked, while Wylan started on the beef.

“Since yesterday morning,” Wylan replied after swallowing heavily.

Jesper frowned and looked to his father as if to ask him why they weren’t giving Wylan more.

“But, you’re right, I’m being a bit… greedy aren’t I?” Wylan blushed as he saw his reflection in the window opposite and spotted the mess round his mouth. He wiped it with a napkin.

“We never said that,” Jesper said softly. Where had all this sympathy come from?

“Yeah, just don’t eat _too_ quickly, you’ll be sick.”

Nodding, Wylan looked down at his slab of beef and almost couldn’t resist just ignoring the others and eating it in one bite. Who would care if Wylan threw up anyways?

Well maybe they did, Colm probably wouldn’t want to clean up a stranger’s mess on the floor. That reminded him.

“Um, so if you’re going to keep me here indefinitely,” Wylan paused, awaiting confirmation. Colm nodded with a smile. “Then you’re probably going to want me to help you out, right?”

Colm looked in thought, “Well, like Jesper just said, you aren’t our servant boy.”

“Yes, but you didn’t exactly want me here, did you?”

Jesper looked to his father again, and back at Wylan. He could feel Jesper’s stormy grey eyes seething into the side of his head. Was he angry with him? Why?

“Wylan,” Colm started, urging with a gesture for his son not to speak yet, “I didn’t expect you, we both didn’t expect somebody to come knocking on our doorstep at all.”

Wylan looked into his lap, his thoughts were right. Colm didn’t want Jesper to defend him, and he didn’t want a burden like Wylan in his home. Who would? That was why he ran away in the first place. Would he have to run away from here as well? He was sure the Fahey’s wouldn’t mind at all, just like his father wouldn’t care that Wylan had ran away from home.

“You’ve been through enough, I think. You don’t need the horrible memory of seeing hundreds of cow shit- I mean feces,” Jesper spoke, smirking, as Colm shot a stern look at him, “And you know, you’re polite and to be honest, you don’t look like someone who could work on a farm for long.”

Wylan knew he looked brittle to them.

This was ridiculous, and he knew what was coming. They would want him to-

“You really don’t need to do anything for us, okay?” Colm said, after swallowing. Wylan still shifted in his seat and pretended to smile. “If you really wanted to help us out though-“

It didn’t feel right interrupting Colm but Wylan didn’t want him to say it. “I can’t do your paperwork.”

“That wasn’t-“

Wylan took a deep breath in and almost closed his eyes completely. He had never ever told anyone this with confidence, especially people he had just met that morning. Or maybe it was better that way, he wouldn’t lose anything when they threw him out. Except the feeling that he was taken care of.

Maybe it would just be better if he left and didn’t tell them. He would go back home and bear the beatings from his father. It may well be better than feeling like he was betraying someone’s trust.

Colm and Jesper were starting to like Wylan, maybe, but they would never truly care about him unless they knew his darkest secret.

Keeping his deep breath inside his lungs, Wylan choked out, “I can’t read so I can’t do anything for you I’m sorry.”

It came out in one breath and reminded him of the times he was forced to tell his tutors at home about his problem. It was drilled into him that it was shameful to be so useless, futile, pathetic, worthless. His tutors’ reactions were usually a deep sigh, them knowing their job would be so annoyingly difficult with Wylan. And then if they were to quit or get fired, Wylan’s father would make sure he knew that it was _his fault_.

Wylan opened his eyes, expecting to see Colm and Jesper’s mouths agape, feeling let down, utterly deceived.

They were frowning, but not in a cruel way. Or was it a cruel way? They just looked… confused.

Colm leaned forward, and Wylan braced himself. He was ready to do whatever he could to stop him from being furious.

“That’s okay, but I was just going to ask something,” Colm said, “Why did you run away, or run away from? You don’t have to tell us now, but it would be helpful.”

Wylan frowned. _What is this?_ Wylan looked to Jesper apprehensively, but he just had a concerned look on his face, like he was worried about him? Clearly they had not heard Wylan correctly.

“I ran away because, I don’t- I was tired of my life back home. It sounds really ungrateful now that I think about it…”

“You probably had a good reason, right?” Jesper asked soothingly.

The thing was, Wylan definitely didn’t. He reddened and looked into his hands, picking at the skin around his nails as he was interrogated.

“Being tired is pretty vague, sorry. What were you tired of? Not being able to read?” Colm asked steadily.

So they had heard him. Then why weren’t they ridiculing him? Calling him meaningless, an idiot, not worth keeping here? Did they have any idea of what a human being was actually like, a real, normal, individual? Wylan was done asking himself questions.

“Can you guys not… read as well?” It was a stupid question, Wylan recognized it as soon as he asked it.

“We can read perfectly fine; this isn’t about us.”

Stupid question. Wylan’s breath was quickening, he knew he had to tell them something about how his father had treated him back home. But what was the point, they knew Wylan’s biggest reason: the reason his father, or anyone, should have punished him.

“I just wanted to change myself, like, back home everyone knew about my… my uh, issue. Well, only my father and a couple other people, but I suppose I wanted a place where no one knew me and could safely assume I was normal. And smart.”

Jesper dropped his fork. “Wow, don’t talk about yourself like that.”

“I know, I don’t really look… smart do I?”

“Not what I meant,” Jesper exclaimed, turning to Wylan in his chair, looking into his eyes, “Having a disability you can’t control doesn’t make you dumb.”

Oh. Jesper didn’t understand him somehow.

“Anyway, I don’t want to get hurt anymore,” Wylan looked down again, “I don’t… like talking about this but, I want to go somewhere I could lie and say I was smart so someone would, it sounds silly but, like me? Or maybe care about me.”

“Hurt? What does that mean?” Jesper spoke up as soon as Colm opened his mouth to talk. Then he shook his head and let his father speak.

“Wylan, if you were being abus-“

“Woah, I- I wasn’t being abused what are you,” Wylan realized how loud he was being. “saying? Um, my father clothed me and fed me, put a roof over my head, like you’re doing right now.” He wasn’t sure why he was being so defensive of his father, but he didn’t care. The insinuation that he was being abused made him change positions uncomfortably in his chair. “It was difficult for him to have a son like me, imagine his fear when he realized that he wouldn’t have a smart, useful heir.

He didn’t mean to say heir.

The Faheys looked horrified, their expressions astonished and sickened.

Wylan gulped. “What?”

“’What do you mean ‘What’? Wylan, he is your father. I couldn’t imagine disrespecting or hurting Jesper like that if I found out he had dyslexia,” Colm said with passion. Wylan flinched at the name of his disability. Colm noticed. “It is _nothing_ to be ashamed of, okay? And by the way, your father did the bare minimum for you. That might seem like an insult, and it is to _him_ , but it’s the truth.”

Wylan didn’t understand, but he nodded because Jesper looked extremely appalled. The boy said, “Yeah. Yeah, and you- don’t need to be so afraid of us either. We’re not like your father.” Suddenly Jesper’s face went dark. “What’s his name anyway?”

“Why-“

“Jes, please. Wylan, finish your food. And be proud of yourself, you have been running away since yesterday?

Wylan started picking at his food, not sure how he was meant to feel proud of himself. “Well I think it has been about thirty-six hours since I left home.”

“See? You’ve been through a lot; an idiot wouldn’t be able to survive ten minutes in the wild like that.”

“You’re too kind, sir.” Wylan sighed and smiled, then he remembered not to smile.

_Don’t let them be satisfied with you._

Wylan flinched. His father’s voice was always in his head, but after this awkward dinner conversation, Wylan wanted to push it away, ignore it. What was the use for his father’s voice when these people were able to be proud of him?

“We’ll do anything we can to make sure you feel accepted by us. You’re stuck with us kid, and I have to warn you, we’re ready to welcome you into our home no matter what,” Jesper exclaimed clearly, and Colm smiled and nodded.

How could anyone be so nice to him? Wylan felt the familiar warmth of tears start to appear behind his eyes, and he tried to smile at them, but he knew it looked distressed.

And of course, Jesper just _had_ to put a comforting hand on Wylan’s shoulder and said, “It’s okay Wylan, you’re with us.”

And Wylan cried at the dinner table, in front of strangers who had accepted him out of the blue. Jesper rubbed circles onto his back with the palm of his hand, and Colm pushed extra potatoes onto his plate. Wylan suddenly found himself feeling warm, not how he usually felt when he cried, where he wanted to scream into his pillow and hug himself, this time he felt like all his tears were worth it because he was going to end up feeling okay afterwards.

Which he did.


	4. Are You Happy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just saying: I'm british and i mention sixth form in this, which might be confusing idk,,, basically it's school for 16-18 year olds and you don't have to go to it at all, you can get an apprenticeship and work somewhere like Jesper is, just to let u know why they aren't going to school this whole time ;D

Jesper slowly awoke, feeling faded after last evening’s events. When Wylan implied that he was being hurt because of his disability, it made Jesper’s heart go up into his throat, his face had never felt that hot before.

He remembered one of the first things he had thought about when he first saw Wylan Van Eck: that he looked innocent and harmless. And when he saw Wylan in his bed, waking up from his nap, all afraid, terrified that Jesper was going to hurt him somehow, he had thought nothing of it.

Now it was all he could think about.

The boy didn’t seem like a snotty rich kid, or a dick, in fact he seemed sweet and polite. He was conditioned to be that way. It made more sense why Wylan gave the impression that he was younger than sixteen now.

Jesper could hear the TV turn on from outside his room. The copper-haired boy was up and about.

For a few minutes, as Jesper attempted to fully wake up, he could hear the channels changing constantly. He lay there laughing quietly to himself, until Jesper threw himself off the bed and put a shirt on.

Opening the door, Jesper spotted Wylan on the sofa, which faced the window and the TV. He had his knees pulled up to under his chin and he didn’t look totally focused on what was on the screen.

It was a strange feeling to see Wylan in Jesper’s old clothes, and they were too big even though they were from when Jesper was way younger. The neckline of his T-shirt was baggy and showed Wylan’s collar bones which had many freckles on them, so much so that Jesper could see them from where he stood. He looked almost like he was in his pajamas, but by the look of Wylan’s softly combed hair, he had already gotten dressed.

“Good morning,” Jesper said cheerfully, as he sat next to Wylan.

“Morning,” Wylan replied in a croaky voice. Jesper noticed that the area round his wide eyes was red and raw.

“What are you watching?” Jesper moved closer to him. Wylan shifted away a little. “Don’t worry I don’t bite, you know. Unless you ask me to.”

Wylan flushed pink and Jesper felt a surge of satisfaction run through his belly. He came back to where he was sitting.

“You switched to a cooking show?”

“I don’t really know what I’m doing,” Wylan laughed nervously, as he frantically began changing the channels again, pressing as many buttons as he could on the remote. Sniffing wetly, he looked down into his lap again and leaned back against the sofa.

“Do you like cooking, then?”

“Oh, um no. I’ve never cooked for myself before,” Wylan said, avoiding eye contact.

“Yeah me neither,” Jesper laughed to himself. He watched as Wylan tried to smile, but instead of looking pleased, he just looked troubled. He was red in the face, but not in the cute, flustered way where he would secretly like it, he was embarrassed and nervous. Maybe even ashamed.

“You feeling alright this morning? You know, after-“

Wylan looked even worse at the mention of dinner yesterday and interrupted Jesper, “Yes! I’m fine, thanks. Don’t worry about me.”

“You sure?” Wylan nodded frantically. Jesper sighed quietly and steadied his voice. “Do you miss home, for some reason? You miss the things you liked doing there?”

Wylan shrugged, but he smiled a little at least. His blush made his freckles fade into his face, merging together as he scowled.

“Because if you do, we could remedy that.”

“How?”

Jesper wiggled his eyebrows and smiled near to him, not even sure what he meant himself. Suddenly, Wylan’s eyes widened as he pouted and looked away again. Jesper laughed.

“Listen, runaway, you must have something you enjoy doing.

“I don’t know…”

Jesper knew that Wylan just didn’t want to say what he liked, everyone had a hobby, and who knows, maybe Wylan indulged in promiscuous activities. Jesper imagined it; sweet, pure little Wylan, corrupting himself, it brought a smirk to his lips. At the moment though, his blue eyes were staring confusedly at his nails.

“I guess I miss… my art supplies. I dropped them in the river after I saw a spider in my bag,” Wylan mumbled. Jesper snorted and he looked at Wylan endearingly.

“Uh, huh. Well, you any good at painting?”

“I think so, I’ve done it for as long as I can remember, and it’s weird to think I can’t do that anymore,” Wylan said sadly, “It was the only way I could… like, escape or whatever.”

Oh, of course. An image was drawn in Jesper’s mind of Wylan drawing after being hurt by his father, holding in his tears, and trying to focus. “You don’t have to escape anymore, don’t worry.”

Wylan smiled, and Jesper’s stomach felt warm. “I know, but I’d still like to get them back.”

He sighed in defeat and unmuted the TV. Jesper frowned: he couldn’t just give up like that.

“It’s gonna be fine. Do you like doing anything else?”

Wylan shrugged, his face looked blank as he stared at the TV. This boy was unreadable.

“You look like the talented type,” Jesper muttered, and Wylan snorted with laughter. “Do you play any instruments?” Envisioning Wylan as a child yet again, Jesper thought about him playing the violin, or the flute, which seemed more fitting. But if he had an instrument, he would have brought it with him, right? And he didn’t have one, which meant Jesper had just embarrassed the boy yet again, making him feel even worse about himself, his intelligence. Jesper wanted to hit himself, the last thing he intended to do right now was for Wylan to stop trusting him.

Jesper wasn’t good at making friends, let’s put it that way. Either he would be too persistent or too ‘annoying’, flirting or teasing them. Saying the wrong thing was inevitable by now, so why was he not used to it yet? And a boy like Wylan, sensitive and easily flustered, should be Jesper’s kryptonite, but this time he wanted to make it work.

“Oh, yeah I do!” Wylan said excitedly.

Jesper perked up from his solemn thoughts at the sound of Wylan’s voice abruptly getting higher.

“I play the piano a lot, I mean, I played.”

“Wow! Always thought so, you have the fingers for it,” Jesper slyly picked up Wylan’s hand from hugging his knees and looked at his soft fingers. They hadn’t healed fully from when he was running away in the woods, but they were peach at the fingertips and a little shaky. Jesper remembered not to comment on how nervous he appeared.

Wylan snatched his hand away, but a little hesitantly. “More like… you. Y-you have longer one- see, you have longer fingers.”

Jesper played along and looked at his own hands overdramatically. “Huh, I guess I do. Similar to other things, you know.” He wanted to wink, but he sensed that was a little much.

Wylan looked confused. “Okay… So, I can’t exactly do _that_ because you don’t have a piano. Do you?” He asked hopefully as Jesper’s heart twisted.

“No, sorry. If we did, I would obviously let you play it, but…” Jesper sat there, looking at Wylan’s disappointed face. “Did you do anything else when you were at home?” Wylan shrugged and sniffed again. Jesper didn’t want to bring it up but, “What was your favorite subject at school? Not English I’m guessing.”

_Damn it. Think before I speak._

But Wylan giggled a little, making Jesper suck in a relieved breath.

“I didn’t go to a school, so, I was homeschooled,” Wylan’s face drooped suddenly. “I was taught how to read… a lot and stuff.”

“Um, well you must have done other subjects right?” Jesper spluttered out quickly, to keep Wylan’s spirits high. “Did you like maths?”

Wylan hummed in thought, “Well, not _that_ much, it was okay.”

“Phew, I hate everything math-related, and school for that matter,” Jesper remembered his classes, where he would sit, bouncing his leg, listening to people talk rapidly, forgetting what he was doing most of the time. “I’m glad it’s over.”

“You’re not going to sixth form?”

“Figured I’d stay here anyways. What’s the use of school when you just want to work on a farm?”

“True.”

“Anyway,” Jesper laughed uneasily, “You must have a favorite subject, mine was theatre.”

Wylan laughed and then gulped and bit his lip, “Seriously?” He giggled again, looking Jesper up and down.

Jesper laughed along with him, he should be offended, but he was far from it. “I was terrible at it let me tell you,” Jesper relished in Wylan’s laugh as the boy closed his eyes and leant back in the sofa. “But it was fun to fuck around during rehearsals.”

Wylan calmed down slowly and looked at Jesper with interest. “I like… Science I guess.”

“Oh, a science nerd? Awesome,” Jesper said, as Wylan shrugged and looked down again. “What kind of science?”

“Elements, reactions… I don’t know it’s all uninteresting,” Wylan said into his hand as he bit his nails.

“If it’s uninteresting, why do you love it?”

“No, I meant for you.”

Jesper was taken aback, did Wylan really feel this way about everything? Obviously he thought he didn’t deserve a chance to be passionate about the things he cared about. Well, even though Jesper did in fact find science boring as hell, he was going to listen to Wylan’s rants no matter what.

“I think you mean chemistry, and besides, Wylan,” Jesper leaned closer to him, “You’d make chemistry look interesting to a baby. A baby who can’t even talk yet.”

“You don’t know that-“

“I do.”

Wylan paused and flinched back, into his usual fetal position on the couch. “Chemistry is interesting to me, probably because it didn’t really require much reading maybe, but the way everything just fits together and you get to discover so much about what’s going on around you all the time, really just… grounded me, I think…” Wylan trailed off and went back to not giving any eye contact.

“Nice you had something you enjoyed, I mean you were a freaking nerd, weren’t you?”

“I’m pretty sure a requirement for nerds is to be able to read, Jesper.”

“Nope, don’t even say that,” Jesper wanted to put an arm round his shoulder and comfort the poor boy, who had his mouth scrunched to the side, as he looked straight at the TV screen, although not completely focusing on it. “Did you get papers on chemistry?”

“Yeah,” Wylan croaked quietly.

“Well?” Jesper hoped this would land well, not like he would be disappointed if Wylan didn’t do well on any of his papers, but he didn’t want to just make things worse. “What did you get on them?”

“I got As and stuff…” Wylan muttered softly in a wobbly voice.

“Wow, really? You’re smart, you know.” Jesper said, Wylan looked at him, frowning. “You are.”

Wylan opened his mouth to say something against him in return, but instead he sniffed and just shook his head. Jesper wanted to hug him and squeeze him tight. He had never craved that feeling more in his life. This boy had been told his whole life that he wasn’t smart because of a disability, Jesper had never seen ableism before, but the impact was clearly in front of him.

Jesper refrained from the hug, instead he patted Wylan on the shoulder, who was trying not to cry more than ever. Wylan shifted closer to him and looked into Jesper’s chest. Then he turned up the volume on the TV.

They watched the cooking show for a few minutes before Jesper told Wylan to wait as he got up to make toast in the kitchen just behind them.

Then they ate toast together in a comfortable silence except for Wylan’s occasional embarrassed sniffs and hiccups. Jesper wanted to say something about how Wylan shouldn’t think of himself like someone who would only be smart if he was able to read or that he didn’t deserve to be hurt or forced to learn how to do something he couldn’t.

However, Wylan was smiling at the silence, so Jesper kept his mouth shut.

After another half hour, Wylan’s breathing had eased and he giggled quietly at the jokes said on the programme while Jesper laughed along with him.

“You’re lucky to be able to inherit this farm,” Wylan said unexpectedly, and Jesper took a deep breath. So they _were_ going to talk about this. “Farming sounds fun, I guess…”

“It is, mostly. Except for when a cow decides to shit on you while you’re trying to milk it,” Jesper said, remembering his inexperienced self. Wylan started to laugh quietly again. “I think it was doing it as revenge on me for doing the milking way too hard.”

Wylan laughed even louder, it echoed through the room as he held his stomach. Jesper noticed that when Wylan laughed, his eyes would crinkle at the corners.

“You think it’s fun _now_?” Jesper snickered along and looked at him as Wylan calmed down and nodded still.

“I think it would be funny to see that happen in real life.”

“Hey, now!” Jesper nudged Wylan with his hand and they both laughed again. “Why don’t you come and feed the animals with me?”

“I never said I had any actual farm skills like you.”

“So? I can have a chance to teach you something, and I’m sure my da would be pleased to see that he doesn’t have to do anything this lovely Tuesday morning.”

“Um, alright then.” _Jackpot._

Jesper stood up with exhilaration and turned off the TV, running over to his wellies by the front door. Wylan followed timidly, shuffling in an old pair of slippers.

“I – I don’t exactly have any of those things,” Wylan pointed at Jesper’s feet.

“You mean… shoes?”

“Yes! Obviously, because they broke on the way here, so,” Wylan replied quickly, shaking his head at himself.

“That’s fine, it’ll be kinda amusing to see you in my dad’s boots.”

Wylan rolled his eyes. “They won’t fit.”

“Exactly, Wylan. That’s the point.” Jesper smiled at him too long and Wylan looked away.

Wylan scowled as he picked up the huge boots on Jesper’s left and put them on way too easily and laughed. “These are unbelievably big. How is this meant to protect me from the mud?”

“Who ever said there was any mud?” Jesper showed Wylan to the front door and opened it, releasing a breath.

The summer breeze instantly refreshed them both, and as the sun gleamed into the porch, Wylan closed his eyes and basked in the warmth. Jesper looked over at him and refused himself the chance to swoon over how the light bounced off his strawberry curls perfectly.

As Jesper realized what he was thinking about, Wylan had begun to walk into the field difficultly on the account of the big shoes.

“Having trouble Wylan?” Jesper pointed to his feet and started to chuckle to himself.

“Shut up,” Wylan said, despite the obvious way he was trying to keep his laughter in. “You’re the one who told me to wear them.”

“You’re right and I’m _so sorry_ , how can I make it up to you Wylie?” Jesper cringed at the gross pet name but Wylan blushed and shook his head. Damn it, his blush was even cuter in the sunlight. “Want me to carry you or something?”

“No way,” Wylan sternly said, and cleared his throat, “That won’t be necessary.”

“Well, if you’re sure.”

Jesper sensed an eye roll coming his way. He had to admit, carrying Wylan wouldn’t be something he’d be against, Jesper would hold him bridal style and look into those gorgeous eyes and maybe kiss those soft looking lips. He was sure Wylan was saying something, but it was muffled as he thought more and more.

“…Jesper?” Wylan looked at him.

“What?” Jesper shook himself. _What’s wrong with me?_

“Um, did you want to go over to the cows or what?”

“Oh, y-yeah of course,” Jesper stammered, and then remembering. “Wait, no, not yet. I always do the chickens first; they get angry if I don’t feed them before the cows or the horse. It’s kind of a turf war situation. Just farm things.”

Wylan giggled again and nodded. “Okay, then. Chickens don’t seem that… weird.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m not trying to offend your animals but, um,” Wylan said. He didn’t even sound like he was joking, god he was just too adorable. “I don’t really like horses.”

“How? They’re harmless, like you.” He resisted the urge to boop Wylan on the nose when he said that.

“I know but they’ve always just… freaked me out.”

“Hmm, okay then,” Jesper said cunningly, knowing exactly what he was going to do in a few minutes after feeding the animals.

They walked the rest of the way to the coop, and they both laughed as the chickens pecked at Wylan’s huge boots. They fed the pigs and Wylan refused to come in as soon as he saw how muddy the pigsty was. He whined to Jesper about how the mud would completely swallow his boots, and Jesper didn’t argue. Feeding the cows were even funnier, especially as Jesper watched Wylan plug his nose from the smell and almost trip over multiple times.

They were on the way back to the house when Jesper recalled something.

“Wylan come over this way,” Jesper beckoned him to the left and Wylan shyly followed behind.

They were around twenty yards away from the teensy stable before Wylan took his attention away from joking around with Jesper and stopped in his tracks. Jesper turned around and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t worry about it Wylan, we have to feed the horse or it will literally starve, you know, like you almost did.”

“Um, don’t have to remind me,” Wylan muttered.

“Come oooon, you need to conquer your fear,” Jesper grabbed Wylan’s hand, who flinched and groaned as he was pulled over to the stable, Jesper running too quickly for him to keep up in his grasp.

“Don’t… run… so … fast,” Wylan said, panting, even bending over when Jesper arrived and let go. As soon as he caught his breath, Wylan spotted the horse in the stable and jumped backwards. Jesper was hauling over some hay into its area, and Wylan tentatively walked over.

Jesper didn’t make a sound, just watched as Wylan curiously put a hand out like he was going to stroke it, but then promptly pulled it away even though the horse never moved.

“How can you ride this thing?” Wylan said with disgust.

“This ‘thing’ isn’t mine actually, she’s my da’s. He rides her all the time,” Jesper said, bringing Wylan closer with much difficulty.

“Oh, sorry…” Wylan said regretfully, looking everywhere but Jesper.

“Listen, just touch her forehead for like a second and I’ll shut the hell up, okay?” Jesper exclaimed loudly, as the horse whinnied. Wylan jumped at the noise and Jesper couldn’t help but snort.

“F-fine.” Wylan slowly but surely, and very cautiously put his hand outwards again, as he kept his face and body as far away as possible. Jesper watched in glee at his hand touching the forehead for one second before pulling it away again with a squeal.

“I did it! I did it, alright? You happy?” Wylan said, glaring at the tall boy standing in front of him and laughing, shaking with pure amusement despite his fear.

“Yes, I’m very happy, aren’t you?” Jesper spoke teasingly.

Wylan didn’t think twice. “Maybe.”

**Author's Note:**

> Remember, if you are enjoying the read, drop a kudos to support me! Love uu <3


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